Last night I was sitting in our living room, our son was wandering about, bored to tears, so he came over to my desk where I sitting, looking online at RV's. The wife and I were just talking out of sheer "what ifs" about one day when the kid is grown and gone, about getting an RV and doing some sight seeing. Anyway, as I am finding ones online for sale, I am forwarding them to the Mrs. to show her.
Well, kiddo sat there beside me for a minute and then out of the blue, after overhearing she and I talk, he says to me, "SO, you and mom are just gonna get an RV and hit the road, leaving me by myself and all alone one day?" I turned to him and said, " It is a possibility. But it won't be until you are 18 and on your own. He looked at me with a stunned, bewildered look on his face. "When you reach adulthood, that will be YOUR time to get a job, your own place to live, your friends and so on, and start living YOUR life," I stated. With furrowed brow he looked at me and said, " I don't want to do ANY of that!!" Smiling as I chuckled, I turned to him saying, "Hey, you are NOT going to live with us forever! That's not how it works. Ya see, after parents spend 18+ years sacrificing time, money and tons of effort, they need time to regain their freedom and enjoy life again. So at that point, they will enjoy having the house to themselves again, the freedom to come and go as they please, do what they like and not have to worry about their children or having to plan around them." He got mad! I mean the angriest face I've seen him don is a LONG time. With disgust and venom in his eyes, he says, "That Ain't gonna happen!" And he stomped off.
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| "Ain't gonna happen!" |
He went to take a shower and my wife and I just laughed and laughed. Now, we found this super funny because, even though we raise our son to be independent, think for himself, do stuff on his own and by himself, he still thinks, in earnest, that that is going to continue forever. I guess at some point, all kids have that thought. But he is 11 and we have been telling him for the past couple of years that his job is to finish school, do well, and graduate so that he can attend college if he chooses, then get a job and career, get his own place and be on his own. This was not new information to him last night. I get the thought he has about staying in a safe place where Mom and Dad are always there fixing, doing and taking care of him, but that is not reality.
Growing up I never questioned the fact that one day I would be on my own. I wanted to be on my own much sooner than I actually was, but that was due to very serious, life altering medical issues that were beyond my control. I wanted to travel, see the world and experience what making my own path was like. I looked forward to it. When I did get my own place, a very nice townhouse that my folks bought for me, I absolutely loved it. I was never out of work for more than 2 days, I was responsible for the most part, paid my bills, did my thing and never looked back. Now, I know other grown men who have moved back home for various reasons, and that is their choice. For me, I don't see that as being needed at this point. However, even with family in tow, if my Mom came to a point where she honestly needed my help, we would take care of her wherever we needed to.
As adults and even as parents, we all have the desire and need, a bit of wanderlust, to go and enjoy life without kids once they are grown. Sure there is the empty nest syndrome, but even that doesn't last forever, and a trip to some gorgeous vista, a remote beach in Hawaii or some other place has a way of medicating that syndrome. For us, we want to see our country, not all of it, but hit the places that inspire us. And after having been a parent for so long, having to be the shining example your kids look up to and learn from, ya, you may even want to "live a little" as they say by going doing some things that break the norm, break the mold, but things that you will never forget. Like going skydiving, rock climbing, checking out a clothing optional beach, or going to a sweat lodge or dude ranch.
Look, any parent will tell you that their kids mean the world to them and they will always bend over backwards to take care of them and their needs. We are no exception. At the same time, the good Lord created us and made parental roles for a reason AND for a season. How we will explain the fact of life to our son that he will have to leave us and start his life may still be a little unclear, but yea, that talk will come. He will leave that conversation probably a little sad, but he will also realize the opportunity to succeed and be his own man is a good thing. In the mean time, we will keep holding fast to our dreams of our hippie school bus RV and all the memories we will make as a couple, sans kids.
Parenting sometimes is tough, and comical, and stressful, and joyful, ,and deserving of a combat medal or purple heart, but I wouldn't trade being a parent for anything. I leave you with this.....Enjoy the time you have with your kids, but also raise them up to be responsible, God fearing, successful persons, that will make great positive impacts on everyone that they meet. That is a legacy and achievement that a parent will be proud of. Cheers to you all on your adventures. Be blessed!
