The End is just the Beginning

Wow, the holiday season is in full swing. The year has flown by as quickly as a thunder storm on a summer afternoon.  The rains have come, the thunder has made its echoing booms across the sky and the lightening has illuminated the heavens.  Through it all, the grass of our lives has grown, been mowed, flowers bloomed and now that the leaves are falling to rest upon the ground of our days, it is time to evaluate the end. For me personally, this year has been full of ups and downs, just like anyone else. Victories have come and gone, failures have struck me in the face, and unknowns have had my back at the most unexpected of times. In looking back over this year I've come to consider life, my choices, the outcomes, much like a hot air balloon.

Like a hot air balloon, the design and aesthetics of each is a bit different. Such are our days. The common fact that they all share is in their function. Hot air balloons are designed to do 2 things: Go up, and come down. On the way up, a view is offered that often lifts the spirit, wows the eyes and brings a new perspective. On the way down, either one can grab hold of the experience and treasure it, or one can be depressed and hate the fact that is is over. Our days and decisions are just the same way. Through them, good or bad, we have new perspective, new things to see and take in, and likewise we can treasure the consequence or hate it and let it depress us, bringing us down. What makes a balloon rise is the element of hot air. People are often accused of being full of "hot" air. Good or bad?  I say both. I think the stigma is that a person who boasts too much, is overconfident, one who exaggerates too much, is the type that most will associate with that label. On the other hand, people who are appropriately confident, who push the envelope a bit for positive reasons, and ones who employ their hot air to rise above, are ones who GET it right. Every day can and will not be like Disney. 

No matter how hard we might try to make the day joy filled and happy, that will not always be the end result. There will be days of sorrow and strife and we just have to learn to deal with it in the best way possible. Some times on those less than desirable days, we will encounter Mr. or Ms. Hot Air.  How we discern their intentions and choose to respond is up to us. I've heard people say for years,
"So and So made me mad!!"  

No they didn't.  No one can make you mad or sad or anything. You CHOOSE to be made mad or sad!!  For me, this whole concept of facing the ups and downs of life must be paired hand in hand with your dreams. If you abandon your dreams, then all too often you are left to just muddle through your days, existing......nothing more, nothing less. I'm not saying to jump ship and head off on a trek to the amazon in search of gold simply on a whim, but do not discount your dreams. They are in your head and your heart for a reason. They have not been born and taken up residence there by accident. It may take time and a lot of extra effort to even begin to make your dreams have a relevance in your life. It WILL take some changes in both your attitude and your want to. 

The picture above sums it up well. Dreams Do start inside, they do take courage and effort. Real dreams will include mistakes, many of them. Your character will not only be challenged but it will be forced to grow and adapt, making you stronger. Any dream is achievable in my opinion. The more bizarre or far fetched they are though, will require a ten fold effort at least. As this year is winding down, I am looking within, locating some dreams I have put on a shelf in a box. Will I pursue them all? No.  Are there one or two that are worth pursuing? Yes indeed. My challenge to you is, go into your emotional closet, dust off those boxes, and at least look at those dreams you have stowed away. Consider them, their benefit and their potential and commit to going for the things that lift you up, make you happy, and that change your perspective............much life being aboard a hot air balloon. What goes up must come down, but how you choose to land is all up to you!! 

Nobody REALLY knows

I've got it all together! I know Exactly what to do!      Ever met someone who always says that?  I think we all have. I'm sure at some point in my life, I may have even stated such sentiment. As much as we all want to think that we are totally in charge and know everything about everything, we really don't. Not always.

Always in life we have to live somewhat of a guessing game. So, you went to a job interview and are convinced that you sold yourself perfectly. The job is a shoe in.  Not so fast!  Even the best interviewers and employment experts can and will tell you, even when you are convinced, the one hiring still may not be.  Okay, let's say you are dating and meet someone, connect and things go pretty well. For a lot of people, they automatically assume "this is the one." Or, "this is a sure thing."  Again, not so fast!  Whether you are a girl or a guy, totally figuring out the opposite gender is NEVER going to happen! If it were possible, someone would have made a fortune selling and proving that their way or research tips always get the job done.   Alright, let's say there is a work situation where You are certain that you know the right answer. Perhaps your boss is lacking and his or her decisions aren't going right, in your opinion. You speak up, "What we really need to do is..."  Not so fast!  Granted for those who have been supervisors, in management etcetera,  we have a pretty good feel for the right work ethic, moral situation, and what is needed to keep things running smoothly at the office. Unless you have walked in those exact shoes and in the exact situation as your boss, well, I hate to say it but, you really may NOT know the right answer. It is fine to be confident. It is often encouraged. We need to all remember though, you cannot Google everything and trust it will be the correct answer for every situation.

I have interacted with a LOT of people over the years. I have made what I call, "good gut calls" and "bad gut calls."  What I mean by this is, there are times when you just act on impulse. On occasion those play out just fine. On others, not so much. A good gut call might be, for example, if you are a quarterback and you see the box collapsing around you and the play has been sniffed out. So, you decide to roll out and throw to an open receiver down field. Boom, score!! A bad one might be something like, your friends are all going out to party and you know they are gonna get wild and crazy, BUT you go anyway, knowing that you more than likely will give in.  In my experience, trusting your instincts usually is a safe bet.  Depending on how you were brought up, that instinct may be better or worse than others. I was brought up in a stable home with a good education, plenty of opportunity and a great support network. From all of that I honed an instinct that usually bodes well in most situations. Yes, I have made bad calls instinctively. Who hasn't!

Even in my times of poor judgment, things always work out. Why? Good question. There are several factors that one can have "going " for them. One could be smart friends. Another could be a belief in something bigger than you are, like God or religion. It could also be due to just pure luck.  As you grow older and hopefully wiser, there will be clues around every situation that you encounter. These clues may be totally obvious to you. They may also be hidden in plain sight. There is no sure fire way to learn how to read and understand these clues. It takes time, effort, experience, and sometimes a gamble.

The reason I wanted to write this post is because I know some people right now who are questioning their Know It All.  Questioning their instincts, if you will. To them I say, go with your gut in conjunction with your heart. What you have learned thus far in life, be it good or bad, can help guide you if you are willing to listen. You are a smart cookie, so don't underestimate yourself. If something seems unattainable, it just might be attainable. If something doesn't feel right and you smell a rat instinctively, then you probably need to re-evaluate.  Try to make wise choices but if you slip up and don't, have enough confidence in yourself to bounce right back up on your feet and keep on going!!

Just................

Today's post is short, simple and to the point. Sometimes I think that is what just needs to be. Things that require much thought or introspection can, from time to time, become more of a burden than a benefit. Life has been so incredibly busy for me of late. We have had company come and stay with us, I have been working on outside projects, volunteering my time for good causes and have also faced injury. At times I wonder what is the point? Why try so hard to make life good? As I pondered those very questions, a few simple reminders came to mind. Let me quickly share them with you.

When you are hungry, eat.

When you are tired, push on.

When you dream, dream big.

When you are happy, enjoy it!

And finally, when you are blessed, be thankful.

Yes, simple concepts indeed, yet so many of us ignore them or even forget their importance. As you finish out your week, I hope you take the time to eat, regain your strength, dream amazing dreams, be happy and in doing so you will find yourself blessed.

Social Media?

As with most folks, I am involved in Social Media. I have had Myspace and Facebook and other social sites that I have used over the years, and for the most part, I enjoyed using them. As I have gotten older, I cut back to using just one. I think the main reason is, that I have realized how valuable time actually is. I had to ask myself, "Do I really need 3 social sites and 3 profiles and 3 accounts to keep up with?" My answer was a definite, "no." Initially when social media first hit the scene, I was like everyone else. I wanted to see what the big deal was, be seen and have something to do with my time. Over the years my priorities shifted, my likes and dislikes changed and so did the things around me. Myspace was my first social network of choice.

Back when Myspace first was introduced it was a platform for networking with new people, finding old friends and making posts about average things you were doing. Not like anyone really cared, but it was still cool at the time. After a few years, I began to mess around with HTML and making custom Myspace pages. I got really good at creating these visually awesome pages that my friends would flock to see. In fact, I even had a thing where I would ask my friends to give me a theme challenge. Over night I would come up with one of their theme ideas. I made themes from Star Wars to the Muppets with raining icons, sparkles, sound and so on. It got to where people loved my pages I created so much that they began to ask me to make a custom page for them. For a couple of years I did just that. A few people got wind of it whom I didn't know and offered to PAY me for my services. It was great! I must have had over 100,000 images downloaded on my computer just FOR that purpose of making custom pages. Facebook showed up on the scene. I was not impressed. There was no way of customizing your page and making it unique and full of visual bling. I passed on subscribing to Facebook for that reason, too boring. More time passed and I found a lot of my people were disappearing. At long last, I joined Facebook and to my chagrin, my lost people were there.

I also found that a lot of my lost family members were on Facebook and had been since its inception. I was thrilled and still am to this day that I was able to finally track some of them down and start reconnecting. Growing up, I rarely got to see any of my northern cousins that were on my Dad's side of the family. 20 years went by after Grandma's funeral before I was able to actually see just one of my cousins and meet his wife. Social media has allowed me to reconnect with a lot of my family with whom I have had little contact for years. We have not seen each other in decades but we are a lot closer now thanks to social media. There is a lot of good that can come out of this type of medium and I don't think anyone will disagree with that. There also can be a lot of unnecessary junk associated though too. Breaking it down into pros and cons I would put it like this:

Pros:  Reconnecting with people

          Meeting new people with common interests

          Having that immediate notification from someone who may need something

          The ability to share important things across the country and the world in seconds

           that would otherwise take forever via snail mail or even email.

           Forums and pages available to educate you more readily

           Being able to share links to Youtube and see the videos play within your page.

Cons:  Negative people

           Drama on your page

           Content that you do not  approve of ( granted you can hide that now as an option )

            Spying factor into your personal business by others and entities

These are just a few examples but for me the good outweighs the bad. I have asked a few people in my network, who reads every single post?  I have also been asked, how do you respond to bad news people share? Do you hurriedly just click LIKE or do you take a minute to comment?  With the involving yourself in social media of any kind, there are responsibilities. You are so exposed to people's lives, intimate details, trials, victories and such that you have to gauge how to respond to them all. My general rule of thumb has served me well. If I see a comment or post that reports bad news, or illness, I take a second and post something instead of just clicking the LIKE button. I admit, I do not read every single post that is put on my page. I scan. The ones that look interesting I will look at more intently. The ones that I just want to shake my head over, I either come back to later or just ignore. Does this mean that I am insensitive? I think not. Everyone has to manage his or her time the best way they can. Some folks have the time to sit online all day and makes posts, comments and share funny things. Others do not. 

One truth that we can not ignore is that when time is gone IT IS GONE! You can never get it back. In our modern technological age, via smart phones and tablets we can easily receive and manage our emails, social media, tweets and so on in a matter of minutes or seconds. For that I am grateful. Like anyone else though, I have to keep in check, how much "time" am I taking on keeping up with everything. Time management for some is a lost cause while for others it is something they feed on and excel at. I am in the latter category. Look, I would have to say that I enjoy technology as much as the next guy, but there is something to be said for simplicity too. Take a little time and examine how much of your time could be spent elsewhere and what benefit that could afford you, then make a conscious effort to step back a bit from emails and tweets and commenting if you need to. I promise you that the world will go on just fine without you for a few hours or even a few days. I have a couple of friends who take breaks from social networking and emails for a season. During those times when they walk away from it all, or even some of it, they tend to find renewal. Renewal of mind, clarity, sense of purpose and are able to better focus on what lies ahead. Consider doing this. Like I said, friends may miss your LOL's or OMG's or smileys, but both you and they will survive. 

Thank you for taking some of your valuable time to read this blog post. I wish you well this week and until next time, check out for a few days! I just might do the same. 

Can I Help You?

Wow, what a simple question that packs so much punch! Most people when asked, "Can I help you?" have to think two things. One, do I NEED help, and who are YOU to help me? I've been an avid film watcher for years. In college, my degree was, in part, in film production. I love a good movie. I don't think there is a person alive that does not appreciate a good drama or an innocent love story or just a movie about hope and change. Well, there have been a good number of movies that offer good messages and messages of renewal and hope over the past 20 years. On the flip side though, there have been a great majority of films that denigrate humanity, endorse violence, drug use, and outright are devoid of anything positive. I want to share 3 films with you briefly. My initial question, Can I help you, has ties to each of these movies, but not in obvious ways. Let's look at...................Benny and Joon first off.

The basic irony of the movie is that Joon, who has a mental illness, is not fit to live alone, and doesn't really cope well with change or everyday things outside of her simple routine. Her brother takes care of her, often sheltering her from new things, being very protective of her. Well, through a series of unusual events, Sam enters the picture. Sam is very eccentric. He has been hugely influenced by the likes of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton. He is out of the box in every way, odd yet very creative and engaging IN his own kind of way.  Over the course of the movie it becomes apparent that both Joon and Sam NEED each other. Although it is never asked, Can I help you, one can see that even without that direct asking, they bring something to the table that the other needs. It is awesome! Joon learns to accept new things, face challenges with Sam's help and he learns to love her AS she is. Okay, movie # 2. Remember the Titans.

I think most everyone with a pulse who enjoys movies knows something about this movie. Basically, a small town, very steeped in racist beliefs and actions, has to hire a new high school football coach. Enter the new coach, an African American man, with great family values and work ethic. He encounters opposition from day one from the other coaches on staff, the school and most of all the players. Throughout the early going in the movie, Coach Herman Boone begins to nip the whole racist element in the bud. From talks to players, opening the door to outside players becoming a part of the team, on down to cutting star players who refuse to accept change, this new coach makes waves, and big ones at that. Soon, all the players, black and white are forced to either accept each other or miss out. As the drills increase, practices get harder and harder, there is a breakthrough. The 2 star players find common ground. From here on out the Titans become cohesive and very successful. Again, it is never asked, Can I help you, but it is oh so obvious that not only Coach Boone can help them, but it is apparent and critical that the players help themselves. If you have not seen this movie, I highly recommend it. On to the third and final movie I would like to talk about. Music and Lyrics.

,  

I admittedly am a little biased, so I am giving this movie 2 pics! Premise: a washed up former 80's pop music star is struggling to make ends meet and make a come back of any kind. He ends up meeting a younger gal who is a temp flower girl, watering his plants in his apartment. After doing cheesy commercials and openings for nursing homes and car lots etc. Alex Fletcher gets some help, without even knowing it, from Sophie the flower girl. It seems she has an uncanny ability to come up with catchy lyrics that he soon is determined to use as he tries to foster a desire in her to become a lyricist. Series of events take place, they hit roadblocks personally, opportunities come and go for the former singer, but then a big chance presents itself front and center. She doesn't ask, Can I help you, but boy does she! Through coaxing, a collaborative effort produces a new hit for a popular singer in the current market. Sophie and Alex end up falling in love etc. etc.  The reason I wanted to touch on the whole Can I help You vibe in these movies is to make us realize that, even when we are unaware, people around us, those who cross our paths, those with whom we are close and even those whom we have yet to meet, Help us. We are given pushes, glimpses, motivations, inspirations from all kinds of places including each other. In turn, we can do the same for others.  Whether we choose to admit it or not, we all need a little help from time to time. There should be no shame needing help. The wisest men in history became wise in part in knowing when to seek help. What we as people and a society need to learn, is when to offer help and when to accept it. It takes practice in both respects. We won't be "the right kind of helpful" the first time or two out. We won't be "the right kind of accepting" the first time or two we receive help either. As you go about your days, look for opportunity to offer an encouraging word, an idea. As you face struggles or times when you question yourself or your abilities, look around you. I bet the right help is staring you in the face. Don't be so persnickety as to not accept it! Carpe Diem! Seize this day!

Wrong?

Okay guys, it has been a while since I have been able to write a new post. I apologize. Sometimes life throws things at you that simply cannot be avoided or put on the back burner. Today's post will be short and simple but with a powerful message for thought.

How many times have we done things that we were convinced was right and in actuality it might not have been? This could be morally, physically, emotionally or even just acts in our every day world. Recently I came across a video by total happenstance that really hit home with me. I think most of us have heard of Mike Rowe. He has been the host of Dirty Jobs that airs on the Discovery Channel since its inception. The premise, for those who do not know, is that Mr. Rowe goes out in all parts of our country and becomes an apprentice for a day, doing the dirtiest, nastiest, and often most difficult and taxing jobs that there are in any workplace. He was shoveled chicken poop from under breeding houses, crawled into tiny spaces to blast out smut from boilers and furnaces and has even done things way more bizarre in the eye of the average man or woman. I always enjoy watching this program. Not only is the viewer made aware of the types of dirty jobs out there but also it sheds a light on the importance of them in the sustainability of our nation as a whole.

Growing up, my Dad "taught" me the right way to sweep. This was his opinion obviously and he was darn set in it being the best way. I guess being the stubborn kid I was, or perhaps just the fact that I like to think outside of the box, I found another way. I would hold the broom with hands opposite of tradition. For me it made more sense. It is difficult to explain just what that means here, but my point is, in my mind, my Dad was wrong. As I grew into an adult and used brooms a lot over the years, I came to the understanding that neither of us were really wrong. The adage, there is more than one way to skin a cat, applies. With regulations and OSHA and other red tape installments, many things that our ancestors did, and did with great success, now are not permissible. Away from tasks, I think we have all crossed the line when it comes to morally doing something we KNEW was wrong. On the other hand, I also think that we have done things morally that we didn't actually KNOW were wrong until much later in life. We have been a party to and also a victim of emotional wrongs as well. We have slighted people and have been stabbed in the back. Another angle to this is also the fact that so many famous persons have fallen prey to steroid use and abuse for example.. It is wrong, it is cheating and it does not pay off in the end. It also leads to physical, mental and emotional difficulties.

Morally, ethically, and physically, steroid use, even in a legal instance, is questionable. But back to the issue of every day, generic tasks. When we drive our vehicles, we know we shouldn't eat and text and smoke and drink and fard and chat on the cell phone while we are driving, yet we do it anyway. Wrong.....Wrong choices that often results in the right consequence, tragic as it may be. Getting back to Mike Rowe. As I said, I happened across a related video that came up after reading a response he had written to someone who asked of him the way to find your dream job. Excellent article and response by the way. In the video I reference, Mr. Rowe is at a TED conference as a key speaker. I had often thought him to be a very smart, educated, hard working individual. Well, after watching this video, I felt, well, somewhat dumber. His mastery of the English language, his nomenclature, delivery and reasoning blew me away. As a quick synopsis of his talk, he covers how in doing the show Dirty Jobs he didn't really think about the jobs he was asked to do or give much credence to the individuals that do them daily. It was as if he had an epiphany, a clarity of reasoning and thought. I am going to try and insert the link to his video and hope that it works. I encourage you to watch it. Whether you are a white collar, blue collar, or other type of worker, his message will apply to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRVdiHu1VCc


After watching it twice now, for me it has made me aware of two things. One is that hard work is never a bad thing. and two, that without hard work we as a people often lose track of what is really important. When you can pick up dead carcasses on the roadway and whistle while you do it, that says something. It says you are content in what you are doing. It also says that even if you don't like the job you have, your attitude can most assuredly affect it in a positive way. In closing, watch the video. Watch other videos that Mike Rowe is involved with. He is a breath of fresh air in an often dirty world. We all need a gut check from time to time. Don't be afraid to admit that you may have been wrong or that you are wrong. People far wiser than we, in the grand scope of things, do know a thing or two that we can choose to learn from.

Legend has It, and We believe it

They are out there! This is what our ancestors have told us and what now, our media is trying to convince us is the truth. Werewolves, Vampires, Ghosts, Rougarous, UFO's. Now, I am a sucker for a compelling TV show that makes me think and also leaves me guessing. I think our human nature feeds on that concept. Yet, there are some things that I just have a harder time giving credence to and some of what is mainstream and popular on the tube today kind of makes me say " WHAT??"  Almost every area of the world and every culture of people have their own urban legends that have been passed down through the centuries to the next generation. For me, I was never really told any tales of mystery and woe. Perhaps I had boring ancestors. More realistically, I believe that I had ancestors who didn't just fall for anything.

I don't think there is a living adult in the modern world and age who has not heard of P.T. Barnum. His claim to fame was the Barnum and Bailey Circus. He was hugely successful and left a money making empire to his credit. One key thing that Barnum knew and is famous for quoting is this, "a sucker is born every minute."  Wise wise words. He made a handsome living playing to the insatiable hunger of the every day person, by giving them what they wanted, or what they didn't KNOW they wanted. He created and mainstreamed things like the bearded lady, the fire man, the pygmy goat man and so on. As a people who could typically fall for a good sales pitch, this worked and worked well. Today in the television entertainment business this same business model is well at work. Here is the kicker. Just what actually could be legit is getting a bit harder to sniff out. Without getting into politics or religion, I do have my opinions on most of these characterizations that we as a people are consuming with such fury. Let's start with aliens.

On the show Ancient Aliens, everything that comes up in the world, these guys make out to be "from" aliens. There is debate from time to time with those who are believers in the Bible and it makes for some interesting content. This show has become so popular partly in fact that it generally ties into the mysteries of Roswell and what our government is covering up. Hmm, good play. Next we have shows on the History channel that are quite intriguing. One of the newest ones that I actually watched a few episodes of, is Cryptid: The Swamp Beast. This show is based largely on the things in the swamp that are killing animals, beheading people, mauling things into unrecognizable pieces. A common theme of the show is the reference to the French Louisiana legend of the Rougarou. The Rougarou is said to be a huge 9 ft tall man, wolf headed creature that stalks certain people and things. "If he gets a whiff of you, there is no escaping, you are dead!" He supposedly lives under the water during the day and roams the swamp at night. He is also said to be a shape shifter and can take any form he wants, including taking over a person's body. Interesting.

To me it is nothing but a spin on the wolf man or werewolf found in London and Europe. To the locals in Louisiana though, it IS part of life in a big way. I found this show to be compellingly done. It kind of started slow but then amped up and got more into the legend and sightings. While I was watching this particular show and advertisement came of for another new show debuting soon called Mountain Monsters.

This one I think is similar to many of the others in that it covers things like Bigfoot, the Rougarous, Skunk Ape, Loch Ness Monster and so on. What is interesting to me about all of these new shows that are popping up like weeds in our garden is that they are banking on folk lore. Again, the media is digging back into history to reinvent what they think will now work with a new audience. Sadly, film makers have been doing this for years!! How many times can you remake Spiderman, Superman, The Hulk!! I think that basically our entertainment industry is out of ideas. There is a saying that goes, "everything old will become new again." Wow, how apropos.   Even with all the technology available, it seems like the human mind is in a state of stagnancy. I know there will always be those who will suck up and devour anything the entertainment media throws at them and I guess that is okay. I would rather see investment be made in things that matter or are less violent and gruesome. Let's have more of Jim Henson. More Muppets is never a bad thing. I am thrilled to see another Muppet film released right now. Those are whimsical, larger than life and totally not real, but they leave you smiling and happy, not wanting to hide away in your house or grab something and go on a rampage. As a guy whose college degree was partly in Film Production, I know it is ultimately all about the the almighty dollar. Money does pay bills and afford us a better way of living. At what cost though?  If you look at legends like Loch Ness, he seems to be harmless, self sufficient, doesn't prey on anyone and just exists calmly and serenely. That is a legend I can accept.

I realize that people are not going to flock to theaters to see a movie about a docile lake creature that doesn't capsize boats and eat the crew. I can still wish for a society to re-emerge that embraces a more civil and healthy attitude though. So many programs today are about the end of times, zombies, invasions etc. If that is your cup of tea, go for it. Tune in, watch them, talk about them, fantasize about being part of them but please, please, do not get so wrapped up in that world that you lose track of reality. Many individuals will consume such media and then over time will snap. I am not against guns in the hands of responsible persons, including those in the everyday world; however, when persons start to think that everyone else is a zombie or that swamp creatures do exist and they are consumed with ridding the world of these things, that is when a serious problem is birthed. Our media needs to be more responsible. Sadly, I know in my heart and soul that the days of The Waltons, Leave it to Beaver, Happy Days and Back to the Future are over and will never return. That era, especially in America, was a much safer, grander time when men and women could laugh, help one another and do so genuinely. Granted there are still those types of people out there amid all this over the top content. I am one of them. Even wrestling back in the day was not chock full of lingerie matches and simulated sex acts like it is today. Shock value has taken over basic value- the value of human life, of morals, of ethics of common sense. Sorry producers, but there is no need to fuel people's imagination. We are plenty capable enough on our own to do that. I guess this has been more of a soap box than I intended. If that offends you, I apologize. If you are one that likes the way things currently are, then that is all you. For this old, basic kinda guy, I am not so convinced. Enjoy what you choose to enjoy, but do keep in check your mindset and what really matters. Each other. As Jerry Springer always says, " Take care of yourself, and each other."