Tourette's and the Journey: Part One

Life can be harder than advertised. We ALL know that to be true. As little kids we looked around and took in all that our eyes and minds could, hoping one day that when we grew up we would be able to have our dreams come true. With wide eyed wonder, we unknowingly were gazing at life through the lense of rose colored glasses, unfortunately. For some kids, they really were able to grow up and not only chase after their dreams but caught and owned them! To those I say, Well done.

 I had loved music since I was very small. At age 4 my dad and I would sing together all the time. I still have cassette tapes of our singing together to this day. Treasures I hope to also have in my possession. As I grew older I kept myself eyeball deep in singing, spent years and years in chorus, ensembles, quartets, competitions on a state level. Music enthralled me, encompassed everything that I did. It was my muse, my therapy, my outlet, and my passion. At age 18 my dream was to sing for a living. I was well on my way in making that really happen. Then it hit.

Within the span of two weeks, my neck became pulled way back and drawn over to the right, almost to my shoulder. The pain was incredible. Not even the strength of four grown men could dislodge or move my neck. It was hard as stone. This was the first real downer I had experienced in my life with Tourette's. What this was medically called is Torticollis. Basically in layman's terms, that means, your muscles are locked up and will not relax or let go. For the next 2 years, I would lie on the floor in a ball, crying my eyes out, yelling in pain, while popping pain meds like M&M's to no avail. Finally, after countless hours and months of phone calls, my parents found a doctor in Houston at Baylor College of Medicine who said he would see me. To make a long story short, this doc ended up being the foremost authority on issues just like mine. Every 6 months for the next 2 years, I received very painful injections of Botox into my neck muscles. Worked like a charm. Life was normal and pain free until the injections wore off. Fortunately and with the grace of God, my neck torticollis finally just ceased. Free at last! Normal life could continue, my dreams of singing could once again be pursued.

As nice as that would've been, yea, more issues were awaiting not far down the road. It was within a few short years, after I had graduated college with a high GPA and magna cum laude honor, that the next round of life altering events would hit. How do you think you would react if in the span of a couple of weeks, your voice just disappeared? You were unable to say a single word, unless you used some alternate cartoon type voice?? Let me tell you, it was mind blowingly devastating! My 2nd degree in Mass Media/Tv/Film Production was in the last 6 weeks, with a huge film directing project still to be presented. Couldn't do it. No matter how hard I would try, there was no way to direct a film project, newscast  or any of that having no voice. Talk about a buzz kill!! For the next 5+ years, I had no voice. My job that I had, I could no longer do without a voice so I had to resort to using the strength aspect of my body which was very strong. Tourettes affords many people with incredible strength, almost unheard of strength. As an example: I toted a 750 lb fire proof file cabinet up a flight of stairs myself using just a hand truck. Crazy right?  In the gym, I was a beast. My strength was now my bread and butter. Being the labor mule was now my apparent destiny. 

After 5 years I had learned a lot. You see, and I am a bit ashamed to admit this, but before I lost my voice, I had some bias against certain people. I could not stand being around or having to interact with persons with any kind of disability, or elderly persons. Not sure why, but I would avoid those two sects of people like the plague. During my 5 years of not speaking, guess what happened? The old saying, God gave you one mouth and two ears so you can listen twice as much as you talk really hit home. During that time, person after person crossed my path from the well of humanity I had such disdain for. Man, what wisdom, love and enlightenment did they bring into my life! Near the 6 year point, and after  years of effort and struggle, my voice began to return. It was different than it had been prior but it had come home again. I had been a bass singer, but now, I was a tenor. Imagine that. The music in my soul was so full now and I had such reason to sing. Joy overflowed from my being. 

Life went on, work was good once again. My voice had found a working point and I once again had a renewed faith it was all going to be okay. 2 years later, the need for 40 injections of Botox in my face muscles had to happen for a few sessions. Their was damage similar to a stroke to now contend with. It affected speech, facial gestures, even smiling. Undaunted, I pushed on. I'd been through so much already, this was just another page in another chapter of the book I called, Uniquely Me.

The dream of singing had to change. The dream of lots of things had to change. It was down to finding ways for me to continue in life making the best I could out of whatever was thrown my way. I was okay with that. I finally got a neurologist who was highly recommended and supposedly one of the better ones in the area. Under his care for the next nearly 9 years things went well. Let me give you all a huge word of caution. The drug Haldol is a horrible drug and needs to be banned from every being administered to anyone. What happened next from that drug being in my body led to the worst events to date. In part two of this blog post, I'll get into all of that, and get ya up to speed on where I am now. Trust me, you won't wanna miss part two! Should have it out within the next week. 

I guess the best way to end this for now is in simply saying, life is very unpredictable. As Forrest Gump so beautifully stated, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Such truth. No matter how well you plan and think things out, there will always be detours and roadblocks and the need to think on the fly, change your course. It's just life rolls. I've been asked a lot, if I could go back and do it all again, without what I've been through, would I?  Absolutely not. All that I have endured and overcome has made me the man I am today. Without those purging fires, and pressure, this lump of coal would not be transforming into a diamond. 

You must learn to make peace with the cards you are dealt. It's not always easy to do so. Keeping a positive attitude, not giving up, finding within you the good things, that is well worth the effort. So, as you face this week, look for that peace in every situation. It's there somewhere! I promise you it is. And guess what? That peace may come from simply being available to help another person, say a kind word, lend a listening ear. Don't be afraid to be you! The world would not be as sweet without you.

Harsh Reality of KID-dom

Life is funny. We all experience things, events and situations that, well, just make us laugh.
Last night I was sitting in our living room, our son was wandering about, bored to tears, so he came over to my desk where I sitting, looking online at RV's. The wife and I were just talking out of sheer "what ifs" about one day when the kid is grown and gone, about getting an RV and doing some sight seeing. Anyway, as I am finding ones online for sale, I am forwarding them to the Mrs. to show her.

Well, kiddo sat there beside me for a minute and then out of the blue, after overhearing she and I talk, he says to me, "SO, you and mom are just gonna get an RV and hit the road, leaving me by myself and all alone one day?" I turned to him and said, " It is a possibility. But it won't be until you are 18 and on your own. He looked at me with a stunned, bewildered look on his face. "When you reach adulthood, that will be YOUR time to get a job, your own place to live, your friends and so on, and start living YOUR life," I stated. With furrowed brow he looked at me and said, " I don't want to do ANY of that!!" Smiling as I chuckled, I turned to him saying, "Hey, you are NOT going to live with us forever! That's not how it works. Ya see, after parents spend 18+ years sacrificing time, money and tons of effort, they need time to regain their freedom and enjoy life again. So at that point, they will enjoy having the house to themselves again, the freedom to come and go as they please, do what they like and not have to worry about their children or having to plan around them." He got mad! I mean the angriest face I've seen him don is a LONG time. With disgust and venom in his eyes, he says, "That Ain't gonna happen!" And he stomped off.

"Ain't gonna happen!"    

He went to take a shower and my wife and I just laughed and laughed. Now, we found this super funny because, even though we raise our son to be independent, think for himself, do stuff on his own and by himself, he still thinks, in earnest, that that is going to continue forever. I guess at some point, all kids have that thought. But he is 11 and we have been telling him for the past couple of years that his job is to finish school, do well, and graduate so that he can attend college if he chooses, then get a job and career, get his own place and be on his own. This was not new information to him last night. I get the thought he has about staying in a safe place where Mom and Dad are always there fixing, doing and taking care of him, but that is not reality.

Growing up I never questioned the fact that one day I would be on my own. I wanted to be on my own much sooner than I actually was, but that was due to very serious, life altering medical issues that were beyond my control. I wanted to travel, see the world and experience what making my own path was like. I looked forward to it. When I did get my own place, a very nice townhouse that my folks bought for me, I absolutely loved it. I was never out of work for more than 2 days, I was responsible for the most part, paid my bills, did my thing and never looked back. Now, I know other grown men who have moved back home for various reasons, and that is their choice. For me, I don't see that as being needed at this point. However, even with family in tow, if my Mom came to a point where she honestly needed my help, we would take care of her wherever we needed to.

As adults and even as parents, we all have the desire and need, a bit of wanderlust, to go and enjoy life without kids once they are grown. Sure there is the empty nest syndrome, but even that doesn't last forever, and a trip to some gorgeous vista, a remote beach in Hawaii or some other place has a way of medicating that syndrome. For us, we want to see our country, not all of it, but hit the places that inspire us. And after having been a parent for so long, having to be the shining example your kids look up to and learn from, ya, you may even want to "live a little" as they say by going doing some things that break the norm, break the mold, but things that you will never forget. Like going skydiving, rock climbing, checking out a clothing optional beach, or going to a sweat lodge or dude ranch.

Look, any parent will tell you that their kids mean the world to them and they will always bend over backwards to take care of them and their needs. We are no exception. At the same time, the good Lord created us and made parental roles for a reason AND for a season. How we will explain the fact of life to our son that he will  have to leave us and start his life may still be a little unclear, but yea, that talk will come. He will leave that conversation probably a little sad, but he will also realize the opportunity to succeed and be his own man is a good thing. In the mean time, we will keep holding fast to our dreams of our hippie school bus RV and all the memories we will make as a couple, sans kids.

Parenting sometimes is tough, and comical, and stressful, and joyful, ,and deserving of a combat medal or purple heart, but I wouldn't trade being a parent for anything. I leave you with this.....Enjoy the time you have with your kids, but also raise them up to be responsible, God fearing, successful persons, that will make great positive impacts on everyone that they meet. That is a legacy and achievement that a parent will be proud of. Cheers to you all on your adventures. Be blessed!

I'm a "has been?"

For those who know me and are familiar with my story, please bear with me. For those who do NOT know my story, put your seat belt on! I've got a word for you!

The title of the is post may seem a bit confusing at first. Has been? I'm sure we all are pretty familiar with that terminology and what it connotes. Someone or something that has seen better days, has been forgotten, has been kicked to the curb, washed up and no longer relevant. Sound about right? Well, let me explain myself. In the right context, has been makes total sense. Here are some examples:

My life HAS been hard.
The goal I had for my life HAS been taken away.
My career HAS been better.
What I thought I knew, HAS been challenged.

Getting the idea?

Okay. My posts are generally not geared specifically to religious topics or are they primarily God centered. This post, however, will be. If that offends you, GOOD! Perhaps a nerve needs to be struck in your heart and mind and this could be the medium for that to be accomplished.

Reading over this graphic above can illicit many thoughts. The truth of it though is that Yes, we do all face trials. Yes, we do all experience change. How you handle those trials and the changes is the key. I grew up, since age 10 or so, having to deal with and face the challenges of Tourette's Syndrome. For those unfamiliar with what that is, in a nut shell, it is a neurological disorder in which key chemicals are missing in the brain that arrest motor and nerve signals. In lay terms, parts of my body tend to do what they want, when they want and my brain cannot stop it. For most folks, if you want to blink your eye, you think it and in milliseconds your brain translates that into the action of blinking. If you want to stop blinking, the same applies. For Tourette's persons, eyes can twitch on their own, vocal noises can spew forth, muscles can move and twitch at will. For me growing up, I was mildly affected. At the age of 18, a senior in high school, things made a downturn. Within a matter of 2 weeks time, my neck became paralyzed, drawn fully back and to the right. I looked like a statue cast in stone but in a contorted, awkward way. For the next 2 1/2 years, my life was a living hell. The pain was nearly unbearable. My doctors were totally stumped. I was taken to every specialist in the country with no help in sight. Short version, I was treated with experimental injections of Botox in my neck muscles. Withing 2 days, I was loose as a rubber chicken. Within 6 months my neck would once again draw up to a paralyzed state. 2 1/2 years I endured the 8 inch needles being inserted deep into my tissue. God knew the entire time, exactly what he was doing. He had a plan for me. I will give you the background in another post down the line about why I feel He allowed this to happen. It is a testament to my ignorance and my abandoning God. That is your teaser for now. 

God,in His grace and mercy, took this pain and hardship away from me, in time. Thankful beyond words. Not 3 years later, I would face yet another even more life altering dilemma. In my final 6 weeks of my bachelor's degree program, my voice disappeared. I had always been a very outspoken, outgoing guy who used his voice to sing, talk, teach, and converse. Not anymore. There was nothing more detrimental to me emotionally than to not be able to do something as simple as ordering a hamburger at the drive thru. For nearly 6 years, this plagued me. As I shared with a dear brother last night, God had to put me flat on my back so that when I opened my eyes I was looking Up, at my Creator.  He was my Savior, but he was not my Lord. Before you throw me under the bus for wording it that way, hear me out. Every person will bow one day and proclaim Jesus as Lord, saved or lost. In my instance I want to clarify, that I was not Making God the Lord over my life. I was running from Him. Even though he has brought me thru my neck trauma, and I said I was grateful, I still did not "get"it.  During those 6 years, I was taught some very valuable, life changing lessons. I learned to accept people that God put in my path, no matter their age, their disability, their background or their status. Again, that is the topic for a whole other post. Through endless time on my knees, on my face, pleading with God, truly finding Him again, He restored my voice. 

For the sake of some brevity, I'll jump ahead a bit. Since that time in my early 20 to mid 20's, life had not gotten any easier. I have developed Tardive Dyskinesia, (another neurological disorder), fibromyalgia, median nerve damage, carpal tunnel and severe arthritis in my back. Did and has God been able to use me all these years since my voice was restored, absolutely. BUT, the goal I had for my life had to change. The plan I had for my life had to change. The attitude of my ambition, my drive, had to change. Your past is kind of like your backside. It is meant to stay behind you. Is it relevant and necessary, of course it is! But should you try to keep placing it in front of you, absolutely not! 

Throughout the years I have been blessed with the opportunities to use my god given gifts and talents in singing, playing music, writing music, running sound equipment, teaching youth, adults at church. He has opened doors for me that have gone far beyond my understanding. A few of those doors I will admit, I walked through only to later, run back out of. Yet, as part of God's ultimate, divine plan for my life, he has used those times of doubt and denial. 

The point I want to make very clear in this post today is this. We all need God. We need him in our lives, our spirit and we all need his gift of Salvation. Once you can admit that, come to him humbly, lay aside the YOU, and seek JUST Him, ask him to come into your heart, forgive you of your sins and make you whole and righteous in His sight, the doors of opportunity and blessing will then be accessible to you. People often ask, "why does God let bad things happen to people?" Well, there are many possible answers to that question. From personal experience, I can tell you My answer. He let's things happen to you to expose your vulnerabilities, to show you your need for Him. In the Bible, many men faced incredibly horrible things. Paul, in addition to spending much of his life being imprisoned, he also had a "thorn" in his side to daily contend with. We do not know what that thorn was, but we do know it was HUGE for him. He had to daily lay it all down and wholly seek God to get through it. Job is another example. Read the story of Job. What God allowed Satan to put him through will blow your mind. All the while though, God has Job's back. He had his heart. 

What I want to leave you with is this one thought or concept to mull over. We were created to be most excellent. God is a god of prosperity. That goes far beyond a monetary prosperity. It extends to your health, your legacy, your abilities, your journey. God did not create you to sit idly by and let the world pass you by. He made you to be vibrant, alive in Him, making a difference, and to do so in the face of ANY obstacle or adversity. You may not see that. You may never have seen that be true for you. It is not the truth because I have lived it and experienced it. It is truth because the Word of God declares it so! My challenge to you this very day is to choose to dive into the Word. Choose to become intimate with God. Choose to let him break you and tear down the barriers and walls build around you and your life. We all have a story to tell. Bull Bramlett, the famous football player and brawler has an incredible story! YOURS is just as amazing. I pray that you seek God and allow him to turn your story into one that can be used to encourage others, to inspire others and to draw you close to Him. We are not guaranteed our next breath. The deaths of famous folks just this week, once again prove that. We are on borrowed time and we are also Not of this world. You are called out. You are made for a higher calling and for such a time as this. Be bold, Live boldy in Christ. If you cannot claim Jesus as your Father, and you need help figuring that out, or prayer about anything, please contact me. I am not an expert by any means. I don't know all the answers. But,as my dear friend Frankie says, I Do know the author of THE BOOK.  

I thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post. Richest blessing to you this week as you choose to be a difference maker in this wicked old world we live in. 

The Twenty and Sixteen Challenge

The hustle and bustle of the Christmas season has now passed. Santa came and went, a Savior's birth was celebrated, and time once again marched on. It is the new year! Congratulations on making it first of all!  For myriads of us, 2015 was a challenging year in oh so many ways, but like crowds of others, I am grateful for all that was put on my plate, crossed my path and impacted my life this past year.

In this new 2016, several things have already come to mind that i need to do more of this year. I want to share them with you, in the hopes that you as well, might find them WORTH the time and investment. Anyone who knows me much at all, knows that I like to be challenged and to push myself day in and day out. Whether that is intellectually, spiritually, physically or otherwise, I like trying to improve and go beyond the status quo.

Number one on the list:

Learn something new everyday

Why? This old world is huge and voluminous in its content. There is always some one who knows more than you; Pick their brain.  There is always some THING that you don't understand; Do some homework, some research to better wrap your mind around whatever IT is. There is always a need for someone to birth new ideas;  Medical, Technology,  Economy, Theology etc. are all areas that perhaps YOU could impact with your unique thought. Don't become complacent and simply allow your mind to just run through a daily routine. Challenge your brain! The human brain is like any other part of your body. It needs exercising to stay at or reach an optimal level of operation.

Number two on the list:

Engage is healthy debates or conversation

Here again, the general theme is, keeping that mind of your busy with Good things. Anytime someone willingly debates or has a lively conversation, your personal beliefs are either solidified or they become beliefs that you might feel the need to look at again with more depth. We all like to think that OUR way of doing something, or OUR opinion is the only valid one out there, and in some cases that may be true. In others, ah, not so much.
Remind me to tell you guys about my Dad teaching me to sweep, one of these days. Trust me, it really DOES fit in, there is just not time or space for the telling of that lesson here today.


Number three on the list:

Be more friendly

I am already hearing the uproar from my introverts in the crowd, but truth of the matter is, that any act of being more friendly is a good thing. If you have to just smile and that's it, good for you!.
Did you know that it takes more muscles and effort to frown than to smile?

Yep, college is full of information! I can be down in the dumps, feeling like a wet dog stuck in a swamp and if I make myself smile or speak to someone in a kind way, I automatically feel a bit better on the inside.

In today's world with all the unrest between religious groups, political parties, views on gender identity and the like, it can be difficult to set aside our personal view and Just be friendly; however, it Can be done. Here recently I was in line at a restaurant and there was a man who was very argumentative with the lady next to him. He was ranting on about how wrong she was and how ignorant she is. I listened a couple of minutes to their exchange and finally just said to myself, "I need to fix this."  I took a step toward them and simply said these 6 little words, "That sun sure is smiling today." Immediately the two of them smiled at me and then at each other, dropped their ridiculous banter and calmed down.  If you are not the type to engage someone, or speak up if not directly spoken to, that's fine. Just smile or nod. Offer someone your spot in line if you have the time. Give someone that 20 cents they cant seem to dig out of their purse for their purchase. Anything. Be more friendly. I promise you, You won't be the only one to benefit from it.

Number four on the list:

Read more books

Is your daily existence making you feel down, depressed, hurried and rushed? Can't afford to or have time to take a get away? Need some inspiration, some motivation? Read!! The magic of a book is its ability to take you to a plethora of places, to involve you in a whirl wind of stories, people, ideas. Books engage you from a visceral level and also can engage your emotions, your "heart." I have never been a big reader. Over the years though, forcing myself to read more and read books outside of my preferred topics, I have actually discovered some of the uniqueness and rarity only a good book can bring. Don't know what to read? Well, with all the available topics, classic novels, periodicals, the Bible, poetry out there, just pick something to start with. If you don't find that ONE magical book right off the bat, choose another. Deciding what to read takes a bit of effort and some trail and error. But, once you've hit upon the right author, the right topic, genre or series, You can become hooked. Reading is best done in a quiet place, often alone, apart from the chaos of the world around you. Finding and making that time is something we all need to do. Should you opt for quiet time and still don't want to spend it reading, well, here are a couple more ideas to help you keep your sanity.

* write a letter
* take photos
* take care of a plant
* visit the beach or some spot in nature
* bake something tasty

Whatever you end up doing in 2016, I do hope you find peace, joy and happiness. We have been given this year as a blank canvas. Paint something memorable that leaves people with a smile on their face and with a difference being made in their heart and mind.

Happy New Year everyone!! Be blessed.

T.K.O.

Most everyone knows the acronym T.K.O. as a technical knock out. With that, you probably see in your mind, boxers or MMA fighters going at it. There have been many epic fights over the years that still bring chills. Muhammed Ali, Joe Frazier, and even more current fights like the latest win by Ronda Rousey have all become hot topics throughout time.

If you are the average Joe on the street, chances are that you won't be in such fights as these. The kind of fights you WILL face are ones that are very common to thousands of people each and every day.
Finances is a big one. Even when you are prepared with a  game plan, an outlined schedule to save and makes ends meet, there are always things you do not plan for that require extra money. It is awesome when you are able to simply go to your account and pull out what you need to cover that unexpected expense. For most people though, that luxury isn't always there.

Even the best laid plans to save more and spend less often fall short. In those instances, yep, the fight is real and up close and personal. Having to cut some things, really buckle down and choose what has priority is not easy. We all like our extra things we enjoy doing, but the question is, at what cost?



Another area that we often find ourselves stuck battling can come be something simple like you forgot to wash your favorite shirt or dress. Easy fix! Kids that choose to misbehave is another one that can give even the most seasoned parent fits. Moving on.

Have you ever walked out to your car ready to just jump in and go somewhere like work, church, to grocery shop and your car has decided that THIS is the day to give you a hard time?? I think if you don't admit you've had one or more of those days, you just might be telling a little white lie! I have been very fortunate over the years to have only had car trouble that was pretty minor. Thanks to my Dad, I was taught enough to be able to repair a lot of things that can go wrong with a vehicle. There have been times though when a problem was out of my wheel house and I knew right away, "This I can't fix."  This week has been such a week. Our car has been having minor issues for a while now and on Sunday it did not want to cooperate. I've spend several days tinkering with it and have yet to find the answer.

Talk about a let down! At first I wasn't too concerned but the more I mess with it the more I want to get, well, fighting mad. In all honesty, that really doesn't help at all. Yea, it may make you feel better for a short while, but the problem will still be there waiting on you after you have had your tantrum.

I'm still not sure what it will take to get our car back on the road, but ya gotta just keep looking at options and keep after it. I think the word I want to convey to you all is this. We will face fights in our life. Some we will win and some we will lose. For me, it boils down to  attitude. You can either choose to have an attitude that tells you to just quit and give up, or you can choose to adopt the attitude that you WILL find a way to get through it, even if that means you suffer a Temporary Knock Out.  Whatever you face this week, hang in there, keep your chin up. There is always someone is much more dire straits than you are in. Keep your wits about you, keep to your Faith, say some prayers and everything will play out just as it should. You know, sometimes the best things come out of difficulty!!

So maybe you didn't know

Let me preface this blog by saying this. For those of you who have known me for years, you probably are familiar with some of my issues. For the rest of you, put on your seatbelts.

Since I was about age 9 I've had tics and twitches. It started out with my fingers spreading and flicking. Throughout high school these "tics" were barely noticeable. By the time I graduated overseas things had changed, a lot. I was officially diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. No, it is not contagious and No, it is not something that most people are even educated about. In a nutshell, it is where the brain is missing the chemical that stops the signals that make muscles and nerves move and function. As an young adult I faced 2 1/2 years being paralyzed in my neck. Treatment that was successful finally was found and that problem went away. Next I lost my voice for 6 years. Talk about something really throwing you for a loop! I remember having to hold up a sign at the drive thru to relay my order at the window and getting so much grief and taunting that it was ridiculous!! Like the neck issue, I was told there was no curing it. Well, hard work, a lot of prayer and determination got me through that as well. I've dealt with a facial stroke, nerve damage, fibromyalgia, you name it.

Over the past 20 years I have literally been to hell and back. Careers had to be changed and abandoned, friends came and went and relationships often ended in failure even though I was a very good, hard working, loving guy. Anyway, over the years as I have aged and matured I have come to the point where I really do not care what people think of me. As a result of being on Haldol for way too many years, prescribed by a neurologist who only cared about his golf game, I developed Tardive Dyskinesia. Okay, how to explain that one. It is similar to Tourette's in that involuntary movements happen. The worst part of it for me is that it makes me cough  often and makes my tongue want to jump out of my mouth. This tongue thing looks very strange. My face contorts a bit, the tongue darts out the left side of my mouth and I get stuck for seconds or even  minutes. It is such a burden. With the onset of this and my fibromyalgia I had to quit working and go on disability a few years back. I had worked full time since age 15 and had done just about every kind of work there is out there. I had been an office coordinator, a maintenance director, construction foreman and even a juvenile correction counselor. 

Like the image above says, Why fit in when you were made to stand out? Well, like I said, as i aged this truly became my mantra. I grew up as a singer, won competitions, was in a bunch of choirs, quartets and other groups and even in a few bands. I played guitar, bongos, cajon and bass guitar. When I couldn't sing due to the Tardive Dyskinesia and allergies, I would play. Yea I would stand out, but I never let that bother me. I developed such a thick skin and such a bold personality that eventually people were able to see past the outside and discover the guy I was on the inside. That guy was/is highly creative, overly intelligent, comical, sharp witted and above all very loyal.  Looking back to my high school days, they were amazing. I accomplished so much and wouldn't change a thing about them. Well, I would change one thing but we're not discussing who i SHOULD have tried to date, in this post!  All the things I have been through changed me in a big way. Before all of this got really bad, I often avoided people with disabilities. I would be polite and courteous but I really wouldn't go much beyond that. Having had to face all that I have, really made me re-evaluate my outlook and opinions.  I am ashamed to say that I should have given those persons I encountered a much fairer chance than I did. In the past 15 years especially, I learned to embrace all types of people and not just ones who deal with a disability but people from difference economic brackets, different geographic areas and people with ideas and beliefs contrary to my own. I have grown up. 

I think this saying above sums it up well. A bad attitude is not only contagious but it is harmful. It is harmful to not only others but to yourself. Life has taught me a lot and for that I am so grateful. I have had the opportunity to share my experiences with teenagers. work with them a great deal and have also committed myself to giving back to those who need a smile, a laugh, or just and ear to listen. In doing so, I have met some of the most amazing, genuine people. It is astounding how many people are out there in the world that have so much to share, to give and to contribute. Being blind-eyed and a bit prejudiced, I missed meeting and getting to know a ton of those people. If I could go back in time, I would definitely live that part of my life over with the renewed attitude that I have now. That is water under the bridge. Day to day I still face great challenges physically. Emotionally I am strong and balanced. 

Just this week, through seeking out forums in which to share with others and to learn from others as well, I came across a post that really got my attention. It dealt with one of my biggest physical issues. Yes, someone else had dealt with what I do daily! As I read the post and the following comments, my eyes were opened to the possibility that there might be options that could help me in ways that my doctors have yet been unable to do. I decided to give the idea that was mentioned a shot. After going through a simple procedure, I felt immediate positive results. I am sore as I write this blog post but I am also blown away at how simple the improvement actually came. I'll cover more about that in the near future. To wrap this up, if you are going through life excluding people different than you, you have blinders on. You need to look at your life, your choices, your vices and really and truly ask yourself, "Am I an excluder?" It took me years to realize that that was me. Man, once I did though, a whole new world opened up before my eyes. Bottom line, don't judge others by what you see. Give people, all people, a chance to be discovered by you. If they do something to give you reason to run or walk away that's fine. On the flip side, they just might give you a reason to love them to pieces and be thankful that they crossed your path. Whatever you do, always be real, be polite and be honest not just with others, but yourself as well.

The End is just the Beginning

Wow, the holiday season is in full swing. The year has flown by as quickly as a thunder storm on a summer afternoon.  The rains have come, the thunder has made its echoing booms across the sky and the lightening has illuminated the heavens.  Through it all, the grass of our lives has grown, been mowed, flowers bloomed and now that the leaves are falling to rest upon the ground of our days, it is time to evaluate the end. For me personally, this year has been full of ups and downs, just like anyone else. Victories have come and gone, failures have struck me in the face, and unknowns have had my back at the most unexpected of times. In looking back over this year I've come to consider life, my choices, the outcomes, much like a hot air balloon.

Like a hot air balloon, the design and aesthetics of each is a bit different. Such are our days. The common fact that they all share is in their function. Hot air balloons are designed to do 2 things: Go up, and come down. On the way up, a view is offered that often lifts the spirit, wows the eyes and brings a new perspective. On the way down, either one can grab hold of the experience and treasure it, or one can be depressed and hate the fact that is is over. Our days and decisions are just the same way. Through them, good or bad, we have new perspective, new things to see and take in, and likewise we can treasure the consequence or hate it and let it depress us, bringing us down. What makes a balloon rise is the element of hot air. People are often accused of being full of "hot" air. Good or bad?  I say both. I think the stigma is that a person who boasts too much, is overconfident, one who exaggerates too much, is the type that most will associate with that label. On the other hand, people who are appropriately confident, who push the envelope a bit for positive reasons, and ones who employ their hot air to rise above, are ones who GET it right. Every day can and will not be like Disney. 

No matter how hard we might try to make the day joy filled and happy, that will not always be the end result. There will be days of sorrow and strife and we just have to learn to deal with it in the best way possible. Some times on those less than desirable days, we will encounter Mr. or Ms. Hot Air.  How we discern their intentions and choose to respond is up to us. I've heard people say for years,
"So and So made me mad!!"  

No they didn't.  No one can make you mad or sad or anything. You CHOOSE to be made mad or sad!!  For me, this whole concept of facing the ups and downs of life must be paired hand in hand with your dreams. If you abandon your dreams, then all too often you are left to just muddle through your days, existing......nothing more, nothing less. I'm not saying to jump ship and head off on a trek to the amazon in search of gold simply on a whim, but do not discount your dreams. They are in your head and your heart for a reason. They have not been born and taken up residence there by accident. It may take time and a lot of extra effort to even begin to make your dreams have a relevance in your life. It WILL take some changes in both your attitude and your want to. 

The picture above sums it up well. Dreams Do start inside, they do take courage and effort. Real dreams will include mistakes, many of them. Your character will not only be challenged but it will be forced to grow and adapt, making you stronger. Any dream is achievable in my opinion. The more bizarre or far fetched they are though, will require a ten fold effort at least. As this year is winding down, I am looking within, locating some dreams I have put on a shelf in a box. Will I pursue them all? No.  Are there one or two that are worth pursuing? Yes indeed. My challenge to you is, go into your emotional closet, dust off those boxes, and at least look at those dreams you have stowed away. Consider them, their benefit and their potential and commit to going for the things that lift you up, make you happy, and that change your perspective............much life being aboard a hot air balloon. What goes up must come down, but how you choose to land is all up to you!!